Gay Dot Com Theatre

Another WTF...

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 12:38:58 -0400

A friend of mine explicitly states on his Adam4Adam profile that he’s not looking for anyone over the age of 33, and also adds “no smiles [a smile is just a notification you get when someone likes your profile, not an actual e-mail], or ‘sup bro’s. send a REAL MESSAGE.” He recently got a smile from a 37 year old “who dresses like Jessie Spano.”

The text of the guy’s profile read:

I’m looking for men 35yr and under for relatioship or sex. I love men in the closet that are not fem. I do want to make some good friends in buffalo. If you do drugs or lie about yourself dont contact me. I’m a private man and love good dinners at home and movies. I do travel to New England often but my home is in buffalo. I do love cooking, music, art and travel. Im looking for a lover and a relationship that deals with love and growth. I only had 1 lover for 4yrs. we broke up in 1996 because we needed to grow on our own.

First of all, that last part is just WAY TMI. I don’t need to know about how or why you broke up with your lover, which happened while I was still in junior high.

I’m not sure which was worse though, his profile text or his user picture, which looked like his testicles had elephantitis (NSFW): http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2656/3775573008_9e9198c489_o.jpg

Are people really this stupid?

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 04:29:00 -0400

Today there was this guy babbling all this nonsense, on and on and on in the Los Angeles gay.com chatroom. I wonder, are people really this stupid? Or is this some ironic online persona he’s created for himself? Maybe it’s something clever he’s trying to do? And he’s really an intelligent and interesting person. No one can be this dumb. Yeah, it’s got to be some social experiment or something!

gaysunshineman: walk into a gay party….guy says you have nice hair….you excuse yourself to use the menrooms. When you leave that same guy says to the others, ;did you see his hair? How lame…other guys say I know.”
gaysunshineman: this all reminds me as to why I don’t go out much any more
gaysunshineman: since coming to LA
gaysunshineman: what is funny is guys online reject me and call me names…but I use to work in the culver center in culver city…………..I get carded when I buy drinks at 36……….and told I look young and better then my pics.I can’t be that ugly

A gay party, eh?

And then minutes later…

gaysunshineman: err
gaysunshineman: do all latinos have tempers?
gaysunshineman: my BF just punched me
Seraphita: They’re very passionate
gaysunshineman: my bf says he likes me
gaysunshineman: but he punched me
gaysunshineman: and then always gets mad at me
gaysunshineman: i have tried so fucking hard to be the best BF i can
gaysunshineman: now I need a place to live.my BF asking me to leave
gaysunshineman: later guys

Later!

Nah, he’s just an idiot. I wish I could say he’s the exception, not the rule on that website (or really, any gay dating/social/hookup website), but this is pretty normal.

• … …… … … . . ,.-‘”… … … .“~.,
… … . .… …,.-”… … … … … …“-.,
… . .… … ..,/… … … … … … … . . ”:,
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… … … /… … … … … … … … … . ,}
… … …/… … … … … … … … . . ,:`^`.}
… … . ./… … … … … … … … . ,:”… ./
… … .?… __… … … … … … . . :`… ./
… … . /__.(…“~-,_… … … … . . ,:`… .. ./
… … /(_. . ”~,_… ..“~,_… … … .,:`… . _/
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… …(. ..`=-„… .`… … … ….(… ;_„-”
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… … … … … … .`=-,… … … .,%`>—==“
… … … … … … . . _. … . ._,-%… ..`

Closing time...

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 00:05:54 -0400

machito23_08: hi evreybody looking for a cute guy in la this is my last night!
Me: last call for herpes!

-From the Los Angeles gay.com chatroom

Can I get fries with that?

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 19:49:25 -0400

scentedthroatloaves: I just close my eyes….spread his ass wide as he aims and grunts his hot fragrant love log into my face…take some time to sniff it over like its a cigar…..then slowly suck it….savoring its juices and flavors
scentedthroatloaves: sometimes I like to break off a small piece…mix it with loads of saliva to break it down…then swap the stinking love fluid back and forth with him while french kissing
scentedthroatloaves: let me know

-overheard in the Los Angeles gay.com chatroom

My name is Harvey Milk and I'm here to rim you...

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 13:56:34 -0400

I found this great picture on Adam4Adam last night:

I'm a little teapot!

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 23:59:41 -0400

There are just no words for today’s picture which was found by a reader on dudesnude.com. So I’ll just let it speak for itself:

O-oh say can you see...

Sat, 04 Jul 2009 18:18:21 -0400

In honor of our nation’s independence, I’d like to present this picture from Adam4Adam. Guys cruising for sex online that are in the closet use interesting ways to cover their faces in their pictures, but this is by far the most patriotic I’ve seen…

Feets don't fail me now!

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 14:28:15 -0400

So when I signed up for an account on gay.com and had to choose a username, I was listening to a Kate Bush song and just randomly selected a line from it as my name. The line mentions feet, and I wasn’t really thinking at the time that guys would think it had to do with a foot fetish. Nowhere in my profile do I mention digging feet or have any pictures that even show a toe. Even still, I get odd propositions all the time from people who are into feet, and I just explain to them it’s only a song lyric. I decided to take a different tact today…

stiff4feet: i’d love to eat those feet!
Me: i’m an amputee :(
Me: i lost my legs (below the knees) in a car accident

I don’t know why he blocked me after that!

High on a hill was a lonely goat... bottom?!

Sat, 27 Jun 2009 21:27:45 -0400

twinkNjockseeker2: any goat bottoms?

-overheard in the Los Angeles gay.com chatroom

Anyone know what he’s talking about?!

I'm sorry, but can you be a little more specific please?

Sat, 27 Jun 2009 19:32:38 -0400

HairyNiceGuySexyArtistWriter: greetings from Los Feliz

-overheard in the Los Angeles gay.com chatroom

Oh hai! I needz halp!

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 13:41:31 -0400

Today’s photo comes to us from Adam4Adam.com. There’s nothing wrong with the guy, but… this poor cat!:

Got gum?

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 19:32:13 -0400

lcnlw: fit althetic gwm 44, 5’11, 190, wrk out, swimmer. Lkg for dentured guy, Latin or Azn a plus. Pvt OK

-overheard in the Los Angeles gay.com chatroom

There was some confusion between me and my friends about what he meant, but turns out he probably wants the guy to take OUT the dentures so he can gum him.

It's not so much the message, but the messenger...

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 02:44:00 -0400

Sent by reader Brad. Some guy was looking for tips on his first bottoming experience and was asking for advice.

iviarcopolo: im tryin to find some on e that will help me out 2night for the 1st time (not kidding)
iviarcopolo: ive tryed a dildo and it fells good
iviarcopolo: you know how nerves i was to come in this chat room
iviarcopolo: if any one wanna shom me the ropes 2night check my myspace
iviarcopolo: someone in nt wanna have fun with a virgin im me (not kidding) i think i can hadle it

-overheard in the Buffalo, NY gay.com chatroom

Not quite the Cleavers... or the Conners

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 14:39:00 -0400

yngblkmast4whtboi: Looking to talk to doms/masters about being in a master/slave family.. Subs/slaves details in profile.. Read profile befor you pvt…

-overheard in the Los Angeles gay.com chatroom

Excuse me, do you have any Grey Poupon?

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 17:46:00 -0400

This was found by reader Robert and ripped from the pages of gay.com!

A profile read:

Im tall, large and horny as fuck…
When Im on this site I’m usually wearing a dirty jock that is my favorite to jack in, Used to be white, now its more mustard colored.

I think that qualifies as TMI.

Good thing he’s not dating that crazy mustard phobia lady from the Maury Povich show: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0qU404v1Og

What's a girl to do?

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 03:35:54 -0400

This one’s a head scratcher! Yanked from an Adam4Adam profile:

goodlooking guy with his shit together…open to all…hit me up.
only into white/latino
unlock your pic/must have face pic
im not into smokers
please be on the athletic side
perfer masculine guys
more top then bottom but only cause im picky ;)

Maybe he needs to proofread that first line a little more carefully.

"I shoulda used Preparation H!"

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 15:22:13 -0400

Against better judgement, I replied to a guy who messaged me on gay.com with the username hotboi10021. Boi. Ugh.

Two minutes into the conversation, he asks me if I’m a bottom. I decline to answer and he replies with a “kewl.” Then he asks if I’m single and I tell him I am.

hotboi10021: it sux being single

I probably should have just ended the conversation then and there, with his “boi” and his “kewl” and his “sux,” but then he starts asking me questions about Los Angeles (he’s from New York and said he was planning a move). So I’m answering all his questions and then they start to get really, really stupid.

hotboi10021: do you take drugs?
hotboi10021: i ve heard most people in LA do drugs
Me: la’s a big city… i don’t think most people here are on drugs
hotboi10021: have you met celebs?
hotboi10021: paris? lindsay?

Yes, I had high tea with them yesterday. And then did some blow.

hotboi10021: am i gonna get used to the LA lifestyle if i come there?
Me: well, i mean it’s not like we’re aliens here… and you’re from a big city already

AND THEN!!!!! AND THEN COMES THIS:

hotboi10021: you are a very nice person
Me: thanks
hotboi10021: can i ask you a silly question
hotboi10021: sorry for askin
Me: go for it
hotboi10021: an hemorrhoid appeared in my ass about 1 month ago….eeewww,i know,it sux….have you ever had such a thing? is it natural because of the anal sex???i dont know!!!
Me: i have no idea
Me: couldn’t tell you
hotboi10021: okie
hotboi10021: have you ever had a sex partner with that?
Me: nope.
hotboi10021: ok
Me: sorry
hotboi10021: its ok honey

My favorite part was the very end:

hotboi10021: sorry for askin such a growse thing

And then he corrected his spelling:

hotboi10021: grose :)

Step 1: Open mouth wide...

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 15:54:27 -0400

jude1984: GUYS I NEED TO BE GAY, PLEASE ANY TIPS WOULD BE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED

-overheard in the Los Angeles gay.com chatroom

You're the one for me, fatty*

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 03:48:00 -0400

rape_me_so_good: stocky white bitch boy here with a BIG breedable ass
Me: doesn’t stocky IMPLY big already?

-overheard in the Los Angeles gay.com chatroom

*Thank you, Mr. Morrissey

Down periscope!

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 20:10:00 -0400

HungryCub4u: ANY NASTY SUBS NEAR LONG BEACH

-overheard in the Los Angeles gay.com chatroom

It’s near Long Beach, but I don’t think this is what he had in mind: